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When looking at divorce information available online, it is almost impossible to not to find articles detailing things that a spouse can do to prolong the conflict and inflict more pain on the other spouse in a divorce action. Most recently The Huffington Post published “5 Of the Dirtiest Divorce Tricks” which details 5 things that neither person should do…but perhaps things that – now that they have read the article – they can do to inflict more hurt on the other spouse.
There IS however a single worst mistake that divorcing couples make, and most couples make it.
Regardless of the nature of the relationship, the most common mistake is also the WORST mistake a couple can make when divorcing. What is it? It is not trying divorce mediation first. The worst divorce mistake means both sides getting attorneys and asking them to take care of everything – before they try to resolve the issues themselves through mediation. It is that simple.
For the vast majority of couples, the decision to divorce was not an easy one. The process of acting on it should not be more difficult than deciding to divorce in the first place.
Unfortunately, for many the divorce process simply brings an even greater feeling of distress. Emotions can seem all over the place, with one constant experienced among all couples: uncertainty. There is an uncertainty about both the divorce process and their future – the traditional divorce process only exacerbates this.
Those couples involved in the traditional litigated divorce find that they spend time trying to shore up their defenses, and tend to fear that they are will to “lose” in the divorce process. Attorneys have been engaged to “fight” it out. The couple ends up spending exorbitant amounts of time, energy, and money trying to ensure a “win” in their divorce.
Couples going through a divorce should try to mediate a settlement first – regardless of their shared assets or future child custody and parenting issues. Divorce mediation is the only means where those directly involved and affected in the outcome of the divorce action (the couple) make the decisions that best fits the needs and desires of them and their family. This is true for all aspects of a divorce including financial settlements, child custody, and parenting decisions.
Most couples are able to mediate divorce settlements and child custody agreements (parenting plans) that they are happy with – saving them more than just money. But what about the few couples that try but are unable to successfully mediate their divorce? They can always choose to litigate – with the full knowledge and protections afforded through the legal confidentiality rules of mediation.
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Additional Reading:
- Divorce Options
- Divorce Mediation – Divorce With Children
- Divorce Does Not Have To Be A Tragedy
- How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?
- Confidentiality in Mediation
- Who Wins?
- We Can’t Talk To One Another How Can We Mediate
- Why Try Divorce Mediation First?
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Tags: child custody, divorce, Divorce Mediation, Parenting
