There are many potential contributing factors to interpersonal conflict.  One that is often overlooked is PRIDE.

Pride can be defined as a sense of one’s own proper dignity or value. It is not intrinsically problematic. In fact, thinking well of ones self is something to be actively pursued.  For example, we want children to develop a sense of pride in themselves.  Feeling proud of our accomplishments is also a positive thing.

However, in a conflict or dispute pride can create more negatives than positives.

It can distort a person’s perspective – resulting in innocent or general points of disagreement feeling like pointed personal attacks.

Because of pride:

• Work colleagues on a work project are unable to work together to resolve a disagreement about a process.  Self-importance causes one or both to focus on what they perceive as doubts about the value of their personal contribution to the project and not on the end goal.  As a result, the coworkers are unable to complete the project.

• A divorcing couple is unable to resolve the issues of settlement due to a minor point.  Ego causes one spouse to see the other as asking for too much, taking advantage, or undervaluing his or her generosity.  The couple “fights” it out in court instead…to the tune of thousands of dollars.

• A couple selling their house receives an extremely generous offer.  Unfortunately the deal falls through due to the seller’s pride-infused reaction to what are seen as unreasonable requests of the buyer.  They eventually sell the house months for thousands less.

The examples above are everyday examples of the negative impact of pride on conflict.  Pride is particularly difficult to address, as the reaction triggered is extremely strong and the skewed perspective is experienced as quite rational:  “You do not trust me and are trying to take advantage of me; I will not let you get away with that”.

Remembering the potential negative influence of ego when in a difficult situation is important.  Removing the personal reflection and focusing on the general goal (completing the project, settling the divorce, selling the house) and desired end result can be helpful in diffusing the negative impact of pride.  In other words:  focus on your interests not your emotional-based positions or feelings. Sometimes targeted conflict coaching can help those in dispute clarify the impact that pride is playing in ongoing conflict.

Additional Reading:

• Conflict Coaching
• We Can’t Talk to One Another, Can We Mediate?
• A Little Preparation Goes A Long Way
• Communication Tip: Be Civil
• Conflict In Business Partnerships
• Wanting To Hurt Back
• Who Is the Best Mediator
• The Single Worst Divorce Mistake

Related Posts:

• Role of the CFR Mediation Coordinator
• Did You Just Say What I Think You Said?
• Communication: Tone and NonVerbal Behavior Impact
• High Conflict Situations – Can Mediation Work?
• Litigation – The Problem With Attorneys Fighting It Out
• Wanting To Hurt

Tags: barrier to resolution, Communication, Communication Tips, conflict, conflict coaching, Conflict Resolution, dispute, divorce, emotional barriers, family, Parenting, pride, workplace

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 2nd, 2011 at 7:26 pm and is filed under Communication Tips, Conflict Resolution, Divorce, Family & Parenting, Workplace & Business Conflict. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.