http://www.facebook.com/pages/CFR-Mediation/271140287576The holiday shopping season is upon us, bringing thoughts of holiday gift giving, finances and logistics of celebration.
For many parents and children this year’s celebrations are impacted by divorce or separation, maybe for the first time. Change in the structure of the family can mean having to consider several factors anew:
- Holiday celebrations with each parent
- Religious tradition observance
- Gift giving
- School breaks
- Visits with extended family
Ideally those who have participated in parenting or divorce mediation will have addressed many of these issues in their parenting plan. Unfortunately however, this can seem like a struggle for some families year after year. The existing difficulties can be further compounded by additions to parents’ families – new relationships, new birth and stepchildren.
Ultimately, to address these issues both parents must focus on the experience of the children first. That does not mean that the children get to orchestrate the holidays or need extravagant gifts. Instead, the overall experience of the children, perhaps focusing on the memories created, is the rule of thumb.
If a child is imagining the “family” being together for holidays – they are imagining a happy carefree, possibly unrealistic, day. It may be that in reality other relationship obligations and/or hurt feelings would make such a shared event difficult for the parents – resulting in a day of bickering or hostile exchanges between them and not at all what the children wanted.
What parents can do is focus on creating an overall positive experience of the holidays for their children – as a parenting team, not as individual parents.
Working with a divorce mediator or parenting coach can assist parents in creating a co-parenting structure and communication method for parents who are struggling.
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Tags: coaching, custody, divorce, holidays, Mediation, Parenting, parenting plan
