For many, divorce mediation seems an impossibility for couples that are not getting along. It is as if only those couples who are getting along or in apparent agreement about issues – despite their decision to divorce – can realistically consider mediating their split.
Many think that divorce involving complex emotions and reactions cannot be mediated. As if the hurt and anger means that the couple cannot determine what is best for them and their family. This is a myth.
Divorce mediation is a great first option, even for those couples who are not in agreement and/or experiencing a high level of conflict. This is particularly true for those couples who share children and are going to have to continue to have an active relationship with one another.
When a divorcing couple has kids, they are going to continue to have a relationship with one another even after the divorce is final. Divorce mediation allows the couple to determine how they want to co-parent; what works for them individually, as a couple, and most importantly – what works for their children.
Couples without children are able to divorce and, if desired, never interact again. When a child is involved, however, a couple does not have that option: Even in the most contentious split, kids mean an ongoing relationship – not just between the parents, but also with any new partners.
Divorce Mediation means the parents are the experts in what is going to work for them and their family: the couple are the ones directly affected by the outcome and they are the ones working with the divorce mediator to determine the actual terms of the divorce and child custody agreement or parenting plan.
Traditional Divorce Process – The Litigated Divorce
The traditional divorce means litigation, in many ways gives the power of creating the structure of the ongoing parenting relationship to lawyers, a judge, or in some cases a jury! This method may give you an answer or parenting plan/child custody agreement, but those that created the plan are not directly impacted by it: a third party determines the structure for a family or parents to live by. A design for how two people parent, made by those not living the parenting plan, is likely going to cause ongoing feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment and is likely going to fail at some point.
Children too may suffer. Kids often feel parent’s anger at one another. Having as positive of a relationship as possible with both parents is important throughout a person’s life, especially in childhood. Parents trying to operate under a child custody agreement or parenting plan created by attorneys else may find it difficult to create the best parent-child relationships with their children – no one else can understand the nuances of a family like the parents can.
Divorce Mediation – Mediated Divorce Process
Divorce mediation allows those directly living the plan to determine the parenting plan/custody agreement. Parents can determine what is best for their children and for them. Unique needs and special interests of all those involved can be considered and factored into the child custody agreement. Through divorce mediation, parents are assisted in cooperating and finding areas of agreement on which to base their ongoing parenting plan (or child custody agreement).
The focus of the mediated parenting plan/child custody agreement is:
- Restructuring the family relationship in a way that everyone can live with
- Creating the best possible environment for the children
- Fostering continued communication and cooperation between parents
A divorce is a difficult transition that is typically laden with tough emotions. The litigated divorce process tends to bring out high levels of negative feelings in divorcing couples, which are aggravated by lack of control in the process. Mediating the divorce and parenting plan (child custody agreement) ensures that angry and hurt emotions do not dictate how parents are going to relate to one another and their children in the future. The divorce process remains in the control of the divorcing couple, and negative feelings are lessened as the focus is on cooperation and agreement.
- Parenting Plan & Child Custody Mediation
- Divorce Mediation
- Divorce With Children – Consider Education
- Who Wins? Outcome Of Mediation
- We Disagree, Can We Mediate?
- Why Couples Splitting Should Try Divorce Mediation Before Litigation
- The Magical Solution
- Preparing For Mediation
- Divorce Does Not Have To Be a Tragedy
Tags: child custody, child custody agreement, children, co-parenting, coparenting, divorce, Divorce Mediation, divorced parenting, Family Law, Litigation, Mediation, Parenting, parenting plan, parenting plans