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Two divorce attorneys have written an interesting piece about how divorce lawyers handle their own divorce: What Do Divorce Lawyers Do In Their Own Divorces?
It may be a common thought that they look for the best attorney they can find. Someone who they know will fight for them and win the (inevitable?) court battle.
However, what is the one universal decision made by divorce attorneys going through their own divorce:
They try to stay out of court. Despite their familiarity with the system, and despite any perceived advantage they are believed to have, they do everything they can to settle their case before it reaches the court system.
Divorce insiders try to resist the inclination to fight. They think going to court is a losing proposition. It wastes energy, time, and money and is a last resort; it is something they will consider only when there is no other choice.
Divorce attorneys are more than familiar with the court room and the litigation process. Of anyone going through a divorce, lawyers should be the most comfortable and confident when engaging in the traditional litigation process. However they know the reality of “fighting it out in divorce court”, and in their own lives seek a different route – that of settling outside of the litigation or court room process.
The authors state that the taking the case to divorce court as cite the following reasons:
- Divorce attorneys know that fighting things out in court is a wasteful proposition. In addition the process of taking things to court is “counter-productive” and destroys the possibility of peaceful and positive negotiation.
- The legal system is not fast and speedy or magical. Divorce trials are not like those portrayed in the media, there is no magical solution. Seldom are there immediate answers. Instead the litigation process comes with delays and long periods of no answers.
- Most leave the divorce litigation process divorced but “frustrated, disillusioned, and poorer”. The process increases the stress and distress experienced during the divorce and in the future. With no winners, the trial generally just defines how much each person loses.
- More than 90% of divorces reach full settlement before they see a courtroom. Most spouses will never get a chance to air their side to an impartial third party with the power to determine the outcome. Despite this, divorce attorneys have to approach each case as if it will go before a judge.
- The “day in court” so often desired is generally not the satisfying experience hoped for. Testimony is limited by attorney questions and rules of evidence.
- When determining a settlement the judge is required to stick to facts and applicable law – feelings, emotion, or pain do not get validated or even recognized in the courtroom. Although a spouse may be looking for justice, or a sort of payback for marital wrongs, judges are not able to “punish” spouses when determining settlement terms.
- The litigation process increases conflict between the couples and often results in additional family problems that can haunt the couple and their children for a lifetime.
- Divorce Mediation Services
- It Does Not Have To Be A Tragedy
- How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?
- We Can’t Talk To One Another How Can We Mediate?
- Who Wins? Outcomes In Mediation
- How is Divorce SUPPOSED To Be Done?
- The Single Worst Mistake
- Divorce Options
Divorce is a difficult decision and can be a difficult process. The only way to win is to look for a solution that is the most peaceful and the most positive. Divorce mediation continues to be the most effective and efficient means of reaching resolution. Such mediated solutions allow the couple and their families to focus on their future and not the pain of the past.
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Tags: divorce, divorce attorney, divorce court, Divorce Mediation, Litigation, Mediation
