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With the Holiday season in our midst, our family relations come sharply into focus. Paying a visit to an elderly relative, or going “home” for the holidays can garner our attention, and often tug at our heartstrings, when we find a loved one who is unable to adequately care for themselves. Be it dementia, disease, or mere frailty we often are obligated to make decisions on behalf a loved one. These decisions can be taxing, and if more than one person is involved in the process, it can denigrate into harsh rifts between family members that may ultimately lead to a severe schism.
Sadly, family discussions about major decisions can turn into drawn-out stalemates where the elderly parent or family member ends up suffering as the victim (when it was their well-being at issue in the first place!) The decision making process can also open up old and often petty wounds – “Mom always liked you best” is not a productive path to follow in attempting to make long-term care decisions. Bringing in a neutral mediator can help diffuse these potential hazards and help families arrive at a plan that best suits everyone, but most importantly results in the best outcome for the elder person involved.
It is important to remember that choosing to mediate does not mean that your family is “dysfunctional” or “crazy”; rather we all need to realize that everyone needs help with making difficult decisions from time-to-time. A mediator is not a judge who will decide “little sister is right and brother in law is wrong”, but rather is an impartial observer who is equipped to listen to all the facts with a cool head and help the whole family arrive at the best solution. Mediators can help with issues such as caring for an aging parent, or deciding on a financial plan for them – all the way to the extremely painful and thorny decisions regarding end of life treatment. Each and every one of these decisions is emotionally taxing and can strain families.
In the end, turning to mediation to help you arrive at a decision regarding elder care is the best thing you can do for a loved one. The end result will be a cool and thoughtful approach to whatever issues you may be facing – an answer that everyone can agree on. Once a mediated plan is in place, everyone can spend the remaining years of their loved one’s life enjoying spending time together, rather than fighting over their care or finances.
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Tags: Care, decisions, Diffuse, Dysfunctional, elder care, Elderly, Facts, family, Family Relations, financial planning, Impartial, mediate, mediator, neutral, Observer, Outcome, Parent, Relatives, Rifts, Solutions, Suffering, Victims
